The Courage to Rise
Are you a victim of someone else’s choices, or are you a victim of nothing more than being captivated by fear?
Richard Bach said the following:
“If it’s never our fault, we can’t take responsibility for it. If we can’t take responsibility for it, we’ll always be its victim.”
Here, lemme make that one of those easily tweetable buttons. You’ll want to share this!
[clickToTweet tweet=”“If it’s not our fault, we can’t take responsibility. If we can NOT take responsibility, we’ll always be a victim.”” quote=”“If it’s never our fault, we can’t take responsibility for it. If we can’t take responsibility for it, we’ll always be its victim.”” theme=”style3″]
From Zach William’s song titled Chain Breaker, I want to type out the first couple of lines here, but go ahead and click the Play button & sing along (preferably at the top of your lungs)
If you’ve been walking the same old road for miles and miles
If you’ve been hearing the same old voice tell the same old lies….
Here’s why I titled this post ‘The Courage To Rise‘:
Look, we’ve all got hurt. We’ve all been hurt by someone. But it’s what you do with that hurt that matters.
If you can’t see the next relationship without taking off the hurt from the previous relationship, then no matter what your “next” man or your “next” lady does, you’ll always be blaming them for your hurt.
No one’s perfect. Not you, and especially not me.
But if you ever want to… If you ever think you’ll have a chance… If you ever long in your heart to be in a meaningful lasting loving committed relationship with anyone, you’ve got to have the The Courage To Rise! Not just the courage to leave, but the courage to RISE!
Some folks live in denial that their previous hurt is actually doing any damage in their current situations. But most often, it is doing horrendous damage. And, the denial is preventing them from seeing, admitting, or realizing that anything is wrong at all.
John William Gardner, was Secretary of Health, Education, and Welfare under President Lyndon Johnson. Here’s one of his best quotes:
“Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the nonpharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality.”
Yeah, that’s rough to hear isn’t it. But stop a second and think about self-pity for a few more seconds. Self-pity, John says, is addictive. Like a drug? Like heroin? Well…. YES!
And, just like heroin, it “separates the victim from reality”.
Let that sink in some more……. it “separates the victim from reality”. Just like P.T.S.D. Just like anxiety. Just like ……heroin!
Have the Courage to Rise!
When I was 15 years old, I decided to leave my house. I had stood between my dad and my mom for years. There was no one to stand between my dad and I, so I was a recipient of a lot of hurt. The physical hurt was always temporary. But, I never could understand why he would ask someone to marry him, and then do that to her.
People make mistakes, say things out of momentary irritation, and are fully expected to do something that – at some point – causes someone else to be hurt. But that’s not what we’re talking about. The type of hurt I’m talking about goes much deeper than that.
Having the Courage to Rise above the hurt, first means that you admit it. You’ve got to admit that someone in your past has, indeed caused you hurt. DEEP HURT!
Perhaps the hurt, abuse, and pain is from a culture of Christian Fundamentalism. Maybe the hurt even spans multiple generations.
Consider for a second a beautiful young lady’s history. Her mom and dad get married. He turns out to be a jerk, goes to jail, and eventually is found dead in a ditch.
This beautiful young lady’s mom never does go on to sustain any real meaningful personal relationship. As a result, none of her sons or daughters ever have the chance to witness a loving one-to-one personal relationship within her own home.
Guess what kind of man this lady is going to marry?
Well, if the Courage to Rise hasn’t opened her eyes, if her cultural upbringing says to continually hide the hurt & maintain a facade of a wall for a mask, then – as expected – she marries a jerk of an abusive guy. Sadly, this is all too common when people choose not to resolve hurt, seek help, or refuse get counseling.
So, then she leaves the guy and that whole “culture” behind. Awesome, right? Well, having courage to leave the situation only begins the journey. There’s still more work to do. There’s still more to Rise. You still need more COURAGE! ….but what if that doesn’t happen?
Remaining a VICTIM HAS BENEFITS!
….from the PosetivityBlog:
There are a few benefits of the victim mentality:
- Attention and validation. You can always get good feelings from other people as they are concerned about you and try to help you out. On the other hand, it may not last for that long as people get tired of it.
- You don’t have to take risks. When you feel like a victim you tend to not take action and then you don’t have to risk for example rejection or failure.
- Don’t have to take the sometimes heavy responsibility. Taking responsibility for you own life can be hard work, you have to make difficult decisions and it is just heavy sometimes. In the short term it can feel like the easier choice to not take personal responsibility.
- It makes you feel right. When you feel like the victim and like everyone else – or just someone else – is wrong and you are right then that can lead to pleasurable feelings.
See, choosing to NOT have the courage to rise does, indeed, have benefits. Don’t let anyone kid you. Do not believe for a second that there are not hundreds of thousands, perhaps even million people who continually, daily, moment by moment choose fear over courage.
Is that you?
You have to break the chains of that hurt. You have to forgive. Listen, it’s ok to not be a victim! You need to give yourself permission to Rise past the victim mentality.
But, remember that when you decide to let go of the victim mindset, you are going to immediately lose all those mindsets above.
It IS going to feel weird.
It IS going to feel different.
It IS going to feel ‘new’.
Those chat messages with your friends where you blame someone else? You might have to give those up.
All that time that you’ve spent discrediting the other person? That momentary pleasure is now going to be gone.
You’re going to have hours and hours, days and days, weeks and weeks of thinking how you could get some revenge, how to triumph over them, or how people have wronged you. Those are now going to be gone.
Now you have to fill your life with new thinking that may feel uncomfortable
because it is not so intimately familiar as the victim thinking your have been engaging in for years.
Forgive! No, you don’t have to forget.
Remember those moments of hurt that I experienced when I was an adolescent? What would happen if I retained the resulting hurt, abuse, and pain in my heart? What would happen if I chose to not forgive?
- I would never go on to be a camp counselor year after year helping many other kids who’ve experienced the same thing.
- I would never know how to keep & stay ‘self-aware’ of anything in my head and heart that might come even remotely close to triggering any of those past witnessed behaviors from my dad and from my childhood
So, what did I do ?
- I chose to have the Courage to Rise.
- I read books.
- I talked to as many people as possible.
- I DID NOT seclude, hide, mask, or put up a facade for my pain.
- I invited as many people as possible into my life, into my own accountability.
Every time you justify being angry you’re inviting the enemy into your home, your life, your relationships, and your heart.
Each time there’s denial, it’s one more day with out the Courage.
Every moment spent without forgiveness, that’s one more moment that you will NEVER EVER get back.
Every relationship that you enter in, it will be toxic. That’s the only view that you know.
Every situation, every word said to you, every gift given, every kind act, every second that you chose to be a victim… You don’t get that time back. Those situations can never be recreated. Those gifts that were thrown away can’t be replaced. That ring that you threw away, that was meant for you. Those relationships that you spewed your past venom into will never be the same.
Don’t be a victim!
Choose the Courage to Rise Above!
We only become what we are by the radical and deep-seated refusal of that which others have made of us.